Life

 What a fulfilling and learning experience it is to watch grown children that you still see as babies live their lives and teach their own children love and responsibility.

I can't help but wonder How everything would play out if I done different things and been a different mom.

I did the best that I could.  What would it have been like if I'd had my dozen minus one children in their grown up lives first so that I could learn from them and then grow them and teach them with that knowledge.

I just spent weekend in Grand junction with the three older kids and three other kids who traveled there with me.

We went to celebrate a milestone for Krista and Sam.

Michael, that sweet little bouncy 4-year-old that entered our lives as a grandchild was making a gigantic step for his future as a missionary to serve our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He was apprehensive.

That's understandable.

That's a big choice.

And he is the first of all the grandkids to lead the way.

I had the opportunity to travel with Brigham and his two sweet little girls to Sarah's house where we stayed with them overnight and I got to hug on her big kids.

Then we traveled to Vernal where I enjoyed the sweet Spirit of the Temple with six of my children and Michael. 

I marveled as Joseph took the role of escort... My oldest son

I stood in the prayer circle with Spencer at his invitation.

Spencer asked me to ride to Grand junction with him.

I rode with Joseph and Maycyn to their house to spend the night at their invitation.

I spent Saturday evening at Krista's house and had the privilege of having Krista share feelings with me in the car.

When you have as many kids as we do it's hard to know where your place is, but this last weekend helped me find a place. I felt included even though I  watched from the outside.

God bless Michael and Krista and Sam and everyone else who tries to find the way in this life of choices.

Our secret lives and secret places

I went with the Saint Anthony Youth for a 

Youth Conference.  We had 14

youth from our Ward and about 225 youth 

from the entire stake plus

leaders...Over 250 total.

I almost didn't go.

I am glad I did.

We went to the Manti Pageant and 

to temple square and gave the youth some spiritual experience.

They had fun as well. 

I hope that didn't override what the main purpose of the trip was.

The second night at the motel 

(the first night we camped in Manti)

many of the youth watched the Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

I have thought a bit of that.  

So many of us have secret lives...

secret hurts,

secret goals and desires,

secret failures

secret triumphs and

no one really knows it all.

I am no different.

Yes I have secret places.

I think many people have a good friend

to express many of the things they feel.

I don't think I have ever had anyone that I can

openly talk with. 

I share many things with my silent self.

That helps.

Happiness comes as you come to grips wtih

all facets of life--secret and reality.  

I am happy with spots of life but

I struggle with the overall picture.

got to work on that!

 

 

Life goes on

Well

We have settled in

Four little grandkids

and their Mom.

My privacy and quietness 

has been invaded and traded 

for sweetness in the words

Gamma, Wook!  or

Grandma come here or

bedtime stories, reason to have breakfast and 

even a reason to smile and move.

I am looking forward to the summer.

I am sure I won't be bored and

that is good.

I can even live with the toys and clutter as I trade it for special teaching moments.

Life right now just changed speed and I love it.

LIFE IN THE "NOT SO FAST LANE"

Wow!!

When did it happen?

You know..

a dozen minus one kids to keep tabs on,

to teach,

to rejoice with,

to cry about...

Marc and Jasmine are the only ones home.

Juan left for Alaska

and took a piece of my heart.

Anyway,

a part that was left after everyone before him took a piece.

I have empty rooms

waiting for company.

I have a huge garden for just 4 and

that I will now share with neighbors.

Life that was a struggle

and

the struggle taught children

work,

obedience,

consistency,

independence

has been traded for

things a bit simpler.

No more rocks to gather from the lawn.

More time to be super involved in activities that stretch

mind and body.

There are still chores and plenty to keep all busy.

Upkeep is traded for starting from scratch.

Two or three of more different worlds.

All are good.

And I (we) move on!!



Changes...

Things keep changing..Good things but they really rock my boat...Juan graduated tonight!

   How can that be...!
And from Seminary as well..
I believe I am going to have a midlife crisis! 
  Juan is a good kid and will be missed in our home
  In June he goes to Alaska and then

    on a mission.
Who will mow my lawn?
He is turning into a man too fast.
Eleven years ago, I couldn't imagine the love I would feel for him.
That love has grown to be unmeasureable!
And I haven't regretted a moment of him in my life.
Make your mark, Juan. 
You have what it takes.

Love,

Mom

Emotions on Mother's Day

Emotions!
My view of Mother's Day has changed over 58 years of my life
   and 31 years of motherhood.
I use to feel so guilty on mother's day because I wasn't that wonderful mother I pictured my mother.

Now on mother's day I focus on what makes me a mother.

The flowers say it pretty well...

   11 different children--all different! t

(There are 12 flowers; I got one from church)

I love my 11 children!

  I love my 5 grand children + 1 to make her appearance.
    I love my 3 son-in laws and 1 daughter-in law.
      I love the friends of my children.
         I love my Mom, Shawn's mom and other mom-NaThel.
           I love the families of those great mothers!

How is all that possible?  I don't know but it happens!!

I am very blessed.  Yes,  I AM very blessed.